Me and my ball and chain!

Well in just on a week I well age another year.

It is never a good time for me, as people will have noted from my posts on facebook.

This corpse will be 51 this year, although I have around a lot longer than that!  Yet in all my time no one has ever done anything for me to recognize this milestone.  Clearly my family don't care enough about me to make the effort.  That and the fact that everything seems to go wrong.

I just received a letter from the ATO saying I know owe them money from 3 years ago.  My electrics in my car is on the blink.  The rear brakes need replacing.  The toilet needs to have seals replaced.  My wife is due for an operation with doctors not commenting about the situation or results.  My son is of the opinion at taxi's cost nothing, that shouting and carrying on at 3am in the morning is acceptable.  My daughter is probably the least worrying, although this is her final year at school, so her future is a worry.  So my fractured mind is broken and not healing as normal.

I look at my life and lament the decision that my family have made (namely my parents and older).  Just how much my mother must have hated me and that her curse continues to plague me well after her death.  That I seem to be too generous to people, expecting them to live by the standards I do.  Though I should say that there are a few people who have made my life bearable, James GG, Glen T, Michael and Jazz S, Michael M, Simon M, Nick C, Simon G, Tye R the Mayes family.  So I guess that there are a few people in afterthought.

My problem is that mental illness is an insidious illness.  It affects people in different ways.  While I may present one face to the outside world, my inner self is crying in dispair. My life is not improving and I just cannot see any light at the end of tunnel.  With the uncertainty of pensions and welfare with the current government my prospects on life are dismal.  I despair, I worry, and I loose my way.

So how knows what my future holds, not much.  Just put up with this mad man, I may pull through.