The first two points are “Hang around your local hobby store
from time to time...” and “Or hang around your local games club”. These two are almost the same when it comes
to applying the principles advocated.
The comment that weirdos who hang out at games club aren’t present in
local hobby stores is not mutually exclusive to one over the other. If you a looking for a new person to include
in home games it’s going to be hit and miss with who you will find
acceptable. One or two visits at a venue
I believe will not attain a suitable sounding of the community to find a gaming
buddy (unless you aren’t picky or just desperate.) It has taken me, personally, months to ascertain
who I would be comfortable with gaming at my residence. Whether that person feels likewise is often
the problem. Over my long life I have
found that humans are fickle and hypocrites.
People I know and game with (current and past) will literally walk to
the other side to avoid having a conversation with me, when all I’d like to do
was just say hello and move on. (Having
done more CBT – cognitive behaviour therapy - than the average person, I’m
aware of the many implications of that statement, so please do not think that I’m
not aware of them if you choose to take offense or point out the exceptions.)
Such is the same with gaming, there appears to me to be a “happy to know or
play games in a club/store environment with you”, but don’t ask for anymore
interaction. Prepare to invest some time searching stores or clubs for the prerequisite
gaming buddy of choice.
The other tenants are closely linked together, but the
thinking that follows is debatable. I
again make reference to the human condition – people are (most of the time)
looking for “what am I going to get out of any relationship.” For example in my youth I had a group of
people who first gamed at my parents house and then at my own home. The benefits to the group at that time were,
my parents tolerated the games at their residence (it also made them feel safe
knowing their son was home and not out doing naughty things on a Friday and
Saturday night), and my mother also fed them.
When I married and moved out of my parent’s residence, having my own
home, the group who attended had the opportunity of no parental/adult
supervision and more freedom. In those
early days there were very few alternative sources for enjoying a game on a
regular basis. Shops did not having
gaming facilities and the clubs (really good ones in the day) only met on
fortnightly or monthly basis (not too sure on the frequency, memories a little
hazy) mostly on Sundays. Younger readers
may not remember that Queensland operated with a half day trade on Saturday with
Sunday finding almost everything shut. There
was no internet, no mobile phones, no modern conveniences that people take for
granted today. Groups were formed, in my
case, through friends and people knowing people (and inviting them along) to
University and eventually finding the clubs operating at the time. From my perspective looking back I found that
people were easier to communicate and bond with than today. Of course it may have just been the age syndrome
of youth versus older mindsets and the flexibility it entails.
Where am I going with this (yes I do meander?) Times may have changed but the human
condition has not. If you feel that you
have to entice people to game at your residence with “benefits”, then all you
may attract are leeches. They only hang
around because you are providing something which costs them little or nothing
to do what they like doing. I have been
blessed with the fact my wife worked in a games store and knew the man she was
marrying. She had no difficulty with
associating with my group or with the disruption to home life, not everyone has
that understanding partner. The number
of people I’ve known who’ve dropped their interests because of partners or
children is not uncommon, as it was in the past so it is today. When it comes
to children I have even known of circumstances where persons would not come
over for games because of them - the same applies for pets, cats and dogs, it’s
amazing what people won’t tolerate. In
the mid 80’s I had my first break down and the group did not accept this or
prepare to accommodate me back into the group even with my apologies. While society
politely lies to itself that it is non-discriminatory, it is not, especially
when it comes to mental illness. In the
80’s it was almost unheard of for compassion or understanding from the
community, you were ostracised and made to feel humiliated.
I have written previously on my blog that the people you
associate with and in this case game with will most likely not be the same as
time progresses. In my case the original
group that I knew 30 years ago, only one is still gaming with me. Of the groups I have known since then (with
the exclusion of the present), less so, I’d say zero. As I get older I find that I’m either
outliving my associates and friends, they move away, or they no longer wish to associate
with me. My circle of opportunity grows
smaller each year; my greatest bugbear is the age gap now. It has been refreshing to see an influx of
youth into my hobby, but with that comes the peculiar discrimination of
age.
Right I’m back looking at the article and relating it to an
old man. For example - I go to a local
hobby store or club and hang around looking for a gaming buddy... I think I can
almost hear your minds taking the wrong track.
Everyone is younger than you; you are trying to find someone who wants
to be your gaming buddy, you can offer them “benefits” with a home based venue. So I can almost guess people are going to cry
“paedophile/deviant”, if you go to venues where there are young children ( up
to 17) then you can feel even more threatened by public perception. It’s difficult to find people who are
prepared to accept you on age, just like people’s inability to deal with those
suffering from illnesses. The article only
applies where you fall within acceptable parameters of social acceptance.
My personal rant or call it what you will...
As I have mentioned in the past I have a magnificent
collection of games built up over 30 plus years, with more than sufficient
space for games and entertainment. I am
with my age and the vagaries of personal circumstances restricted to home or
close venues for my gaming enjoyment. I
am particular about who I want to game with and who I invite into my
residence. I learnt that offering enticements
through generosity have amounted to zero improvement of chances to game (without
attracting leeches) so I no longer offer them.
Though I am still prone to be generous, it’s my nature – pity some take
advantage of it. If people cannot see
the opportunity they are missing that I can offer then I’m not going to “prostitute”
myself to obtain a gaming buddy or new group of home based gamers. Of course suffering from my personal daemons
makes life extremely hard and I don’t expect people to understand nevertheless
feel sympathy for.
Till next time.
The Hon. John
