Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Star Wars WotC Style

Ok the painting bug, well any bug has died at present.  So I've decided to think about doing something with my Star Wars figures.  They are the Wizards of the Coast, plastic fantastic (re rough) but still usuable and easy to just throw into a box and not worry too much about the paint job.  I do have to do some heat treatment of the droids from Episodes 1-3 to allow me to use the Republic armies.

Stay tuned.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

74 days and counting...

Hmm, things are not improving.

Had some minor flooding in one of the rooms downstairs.  Seems that my children are not to take baths/showers at the same time that a major downpore in upon us.  I think that the drains are a problem, and I think they are the councils drains at fault.  So after almost having a heart attack moping up I have decided to let it flow.  I just don't have the strength these days to do to much exertion, lazy of me, but it's all I can do.  All the important stuff is located elsewhere and nearly everything is at least 6" above the ground.  Mind you the carpeted room does smell like a lot of wookies have taken up residence.  Reminds me of that line in Van Helsing "why does it smell like wet dog in here?"

My period of ennui continues.

Why I can't find it in me anymore to do the things I once loved doing I don't know.

January is a period of mourning in my household.  Grandfather (mothers side) on the 12th and Edward John McDonnell on the 20th.  Went and did the cemetry duty.  Tidyed up the graves and pulled out the weeds in my grandfathers plot.  My sister placed lots of white rocks at the surface, and with the council not caring where their gardening waste blows to, makes for a lot of work.  I visited very briefly my parents grave, but there are no happy memories associated with them so it was just to look, curse them and leave.

It's interesting to note that you can sometimes misinterpret things while using the impersonal medium of the internet.  Yet I find it's a way of finding out who your friends are or aren't by the responses you get or don't get.  I have been grateful to the few who have communicated with me over the Christmas and New Year period.  It's nice to know that I'm not totally forgotten.  A visit would have been nicer, but at least one form of communication is better than none.  One person I bumped into actually said I should have said something about wanting games or contact, to which I replied "and you didn't because?"  Which of course stumped them - I've made it quite obvious that I desire contact, having to "beg" for companionship is beneath me.  If you don't think to include me in games or social events, "inviting" myself is not the solution.  In the end I'm just a bitter, lonely old man.

That's where I am - bitter.  I think I spend so much time alone with nothing but myself for company that I'm a little more unbalanced than I normally am.  I think I have lost the skill to interact with people - which I guess makes me a less than desireable acquaintance or friend.  I've done my lot of chasing people and am now working on the "if you respect me as a friend, then you'll include me".  The fact that this is not happening leads me to feel isolated and alone.  I guess it's a problem of my own making.

I really don't know what I'm going to do this year.  I can't find the passion I once had.  Trying to make ends meet is going to prove a challenge this year.  The cost of living is not getting any cheaper.  My wife and daughter both work now which makes my weekends of being able to do as I like becoming untenable.  My "special" needs means it's hard to fit in with a lot of activites I'd love to participate in.  Again, I'm doomed by the nature of the circumstances that define my existence. 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

65 days

Sixty-five days, that says it all.

During that time I have been absolutely miserable - and I've let the world at large know it.

Yet during this time I was blessed with the kindness of one man.  Not some one local in Brisbane, not one of the group of people who game with me, but a friend I have known since Grade 6, a friend who lives hundreds of miles away in Sydney.  I'm talking about Michael Mulhern.  He in his generosity and kindess sent me a tablet a SuperPadIII, no strings attached, no expectations of recompense in kind.  His act of kindness gave me that spark of happiness that has been missing during this period.

So the year marches on.  My children are starting school on the 25th and I have worked out that I will be sacrificing almost 70% of my pension to get them through school.  This hurts, but it's the one thing that I was determined to give my children - a Catholic education.

With my wife and daughter now engaged in employment my capacity to get any time to attend clubs or events this year is looking doubtful.  So I'm spending more and more time with just myself and my internal monologue to keep me company.

My period of ennui continues.

I am extremely bitter and will most likely continue in this frame of mind for some time.  As I have posted elsewhere, existence is pointless without purpose. 

Monday, January 2, 2012


My wife Chelle has secured herself a job and my daughter continues to get work on an adhoc basis.  Both work in the hospitality industry which means weekend work at hours that will clash with any external activities  This will mean that as I am the taxi for the family I can't see me being able to find time to go anywhere on weekends except to and from workplaces.

This is not ideal for me.  It means that I will get even less contact with people.  Nothing I can do about this unless things change where I'm not needed as a source of transport.

So I forsee that people will see even less of me than they already do.  Not that I get visitors much.

If people want me, you know where to find me.  Just remember that I can't do evenings.