As many people will know I have a terminal illness. It is in recession at present although the mental instability will always be with me, can't treat it at all.
What got driven home yesterday... Wait, start at the beginning. For some time now my loving wife has been on edge. Two teenage children and a neurotic husband are difficult to cope with over a long period of time. Lately Chelle has been on the verge of collapse from mental fatigue. I was worried on Tuesday and spoke to my doctor about what I should do. The result was Chelle went to the Doctors Wednesday and collapsed. She was a wreck. Her blood pressure was serious and the doctor ordered a series of tests and a follow up consultation today. She is now on rest orders for the next three months.
I believe that had I not paid any attention to my wife then she could very well have had a stroke or heart attack.
I forget sometimes that those we love aren't really in a position to cope with the very real reality of loosing their husband or father. I am not worried about my mortality, I know that it's coming, and that I know I don't intend to suffer when the end nears. (Yes I believe in euthenasia when appropriate).
Yet for my wife and children the thought of me not being in their lives is something they don't want to accept. Even though I've told them, although with my children they get the "sanatised" version. It is a concern to me now that my condition affects them in ways I don't comprehend. In other words I am ignorant of what my actions and beliefs have on them.
I almost missed my wifes reaction.
My son is receiving special counciling.
My daughter, well my daughter I can't read all the time. She is the one closest to me in many things and it scares me when she will do something or say something that is me.
So I'm paying more attention to my family now (not that I haven't it's just that I need to look for things on another level). Their welfare is paramount. The only downside is that my health will start to fail as a result of this. My health has been classified as the "Catch 22 Syndrome" there's always some balance that must be paid.
Cheers from the Mad One.